Same Old, Same Old.

Hey,

So its 2018 now and I did absolutely nothing about my blog after buying my laptop over a year ago. 

Life is pretty much exactly where it was though. Still with the same guy which is a surprise to me. Been almost 2 1/2 years now! Can you believe it? If you had told 18 year old me that I would have been in a relationship this long before I was 24 I wouldnt have believed you. I still realise that Im a nightmare to live with and I have a lot of traits that many people would find extremely unnatractive and unbearable. But somehow Ive found someone who just about puts up with it all. 

Still working at the same place. The last time I wrote on here I was just about to start the job which is complete madness. Now Ive been there over 1 1/2 years. I shouldnt have been nervous back then because it turns out it was completely fine and I really enjoy it. Its become one of those jobs I really don't mind doing and will spend extra time doing stuff for at home or by staying later, which I never thought I'd find in a job. It doesn't come without its frustrations and challenges though but who said life was easy?

I think Ive made quite a few friends at work. Working in a place with so many colleagues means you get to interact with so many different amazing people that are so different and I enjoy that so much. Ive definitely learned that I get along with people of all different ages much better than those of my own age. For example at University I really struggled and didnt really enjoy the experience because I just couldnt relate to the same things as those around me. I didnt want to party and get drunk I just wanted an easy chilled out life. 

I really enjoy writing and although I dont ever do it I really should set some time aside to start doing it again. I always say Im going to continue it but never follow through with it. I never want to promise that I will because then i havent broken that promise, if that makes sense. Im going on holiday next month so maybe if i take some good pictures I can talk about it when I get back? Who knows! 

Goodnight. 

Hello... Its me

Hey, long time no write. Its been over a year since I wrote on this blog thing and a lot has happened.

I've been working at the convenience store ever since I last wrote on my blog but yesterday was my last day. Tomorrow I start my brand new job and I'm really excited. I've moved companies and now I'm a team leader instead of a customer service assistant which is pretty cool. Very excited for tomorrow but also nervous.

The main reason I haven't been blogging is I haven't had a computer. After my mum asked me to move out last October I didn't have a computer to type on so stopped blogging. But today I bought myself a laptop as I missed being able to type my own things whenever I wanted to.

The reason I couldn't use my dads computer is I basically live with my boyfriend now. So I'm never at home to be able to use the computer there and there isn't a main computer here. Now I have my own Ill be able to start writing again and doing my own things. I've missed having a laptop since I finished Uni as mine broke, when I say broke I mean got overrun with incurable viruses.

Been with the boyfriend 8 months tomorrow which is the longest I'e ever been with anyone. I know its sad but I quite like it. We've started doing things like buying a sofa bed and furniture and those kinda things. Who knows how long it will be until we are buying things for our own space rather than our little room. Now that I have this new job who knows we may even be able to afford to. As I''m typing he's here right next to me, just asked if I was typing about him, whoops! So predictable!

Its only when you are with someone else you realise all the weird creepy and gross things you do that other people just don't get or like. Didn't realise I had so many. Seems like he must be some kind of Saint to put up with me sometimes.

That's a very brief update, a lot more has gone on but I'm sure ill bring it up if I ever carry on doing this thing. Like I promise at the end of every time I start writing.

Goodnight.

Songbird.

Heya, It’s been a long time but I’ve just been very busy with a job and general life stuff that I haven’t been on here in ages. Sorry about that.

The reason I am writing this blog now is because; 1,  I have been missing it recently and do miss sitting down and writing because it does make me feel a lot calmer typing out all my worries and getting them off my chest and 2, because I want to share something.

I have always loved singing but through my life I have had many moments where I am unsure what level I am at and whether it is more than just a passion but something I could do as a career rather than just a hobby. Now I am having singing lessons and I feel more confident. My singing teacher is proud of what I do and really enjoys hearing me sing which makes me wonder if there is something there.

I guess I just want some opinions. Not in a braggy way like, oh look at me and my singing but I just want some feedback to help me see what other people think because I don’t really know how it sounds.

I didn’t want to upload it straight to facebook where everyone could see it. I wanted people to have the choice if they wanted to watch  through my blog without it just popping up on my friend’s news feeds. Plus Youtube can be a great place for people you don’t know to just watch and give feedback without knowing who you really are and what you are like so can just judge what they hear. Either way I would really love to hear what you think, good and bad.

Here it is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04bwh8KEktc&feature=youtu.be

Thank You.

At Last.

So I’m kind of back!

Probably not but I’m here for one blog at least anyway. Just to update those who may be interested.

So im still living at home and actually love being back in my home town. It was definitely the right decision for me as I was really not happy moving away. University may never be for me but I gave it a try and im glad I had that experience and independence even if it was for only a year and now I have over £10,000 worth of student debt. I miss the friends I made up in Cheltenham  most and find it hard being so far away that I can’t just pop up and say hello whenever I like but it doesn’t mean I love them any less than when I left almost a year ago.

I have a job now in a little convenience store near me which is nice. They are a good team and I earn my own money which means with the low rent I pay my mum I am able to support myself other than what my parents help provide me with. I am very proud of where I have come. Id never had a job before I left for uni and now I’ve had two and I’m beginning to learn and understand what it feels like to really work for the money you are given and the sense of pride you get when you see the money in your bank on pay day and think, I earnt that money.

I am 21 in under 2 months which is scary. Strange things like realising I left school 5 years ago and seeing friends that are engaged or married with children of their own have stunned me. I am an adult now and no matter how much I have been resisting it I am now seen as a grown up. I still refuse to let go of my love for Disney films, fluffy toys and just general childish behaviours. Although I do now have a great love for homeware and decorating. Such as ornaments, cushions, candles, blankets and other small trinkets to place around the house. I find myself looking at crockery and furniture and planning my home out. I’ve also had a recent obsession for buying flowers and arranging them in big kilner jars in the lounge.

I wouldn’t say I’m coasting through life but I am running out of time to make a decision about what I want as a career. Do I return to uni? Do I do an apprentiship? What do I want? Focussed very much on the I part. Me, I have to choose a future that I want as I am going to be the one living it. I have realise if I want money the jobs that pay the most do require a degree so that does make me feel a little trapped  but I am unsure if I would be able to cope with returning to uni without panicking and wanting to come home again within the first term.

That’s an update anyway I’m sure I will be able to find more things to talk about as the weeks go on, who knows? I will try to keep going (as I say every time), because I do enjoy this.

Goodnight.

P.S Watch out for another post later tonight.!

Time Goes By, So Slowly.

Back again.

Took a week off last week as didn't have a clue what to write about. Still don't really but I'm sure Ill find something to ramble on about. Job stuff is getting better and I'm hearing back from more people. Fingers crossed that I could have a job soon! Rattonians restarts next Sunday which is exciting but filled me with a little bit of terror seeing as the show is on in October, about 6 weeks away.

I realised this morning had I been going back to University this year I would already have moved in to start training for residential assistant work, which seems kind of mad to me now when I think about what I've actually been doing. The summer is ending but I'm really excited for the Autumn and Winter. I am excited for jumpers and Christmas leggings (yes they are a thing!) and hot drinks. The end of the year always has the best holidays too. There's Halloween and I'm determined to be doing something to celebrate with friends. There is bonfire night and I am determined to go and see some fireworks with friends. And then Christmas which means I get to go shopping for gorgeous little presents, plus I love wrapping. But this requires friends for me to give presents too.

I guess realising I should be at Uni has made me think about all the people who wont be around that much to celebrate with me. My friends I made at Uni last year will be no where near me which will be difficult enough to try to keep in contact as it is. The real question is when your friends go away how much do they actually stay your friends? Can you rely on them to be there just as they were before? I've realised its not the same. Its either much better or becomes hard to stay in contact.

If you don't keep regular contact with people then time gets filled up with other things. You fill that time then forget what you've replaced. So by the time these new things end you forget what to do. By this time those old friends may be busy or feel unwanted which is never nice and often untrue.

I was watching Fame the other day and one line really stood out to me more than when we did it at the time. "I wonder where we will all end up". Where exactly? Id like to Facebook stalk people I know in 20 years time and see their lives full of partners (well one partner), children, careers and happiness. But who know what we will see. And what will they see in me?

From not having anything to talk about this blog has got kind of deep and left me with a lot more questions and maybe has got you thinking more than you probably wanted to about how uncertain the future is. Whatever it becomes I hope it still includes the person you are today (just older and greyer).

Goodnight.

Ice Ice Baby.

Hey,

Actually kept to a schedule this week and am writing another blog on a Monday night. Check me out.
Update on life, still no job and the application count is up to 30 but its okay ill get there.

Today I took part in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. It was especially nasty as it has been freezing and tipping it down with rain all day today so even standing out there was enough without the water being poured over me. But I did it. All for a good cause (as long as you donate) and the reasoning behind it was definitely felt. As ALS is related to your muscles I definitely felt my upper body go numb and hard to move and I cant imagine what having the condition is like.

Check out my video here, including my brother and one of my best friends:

 

Today was also the day I took part in a national course in Bexhill with a group of my dancing buddies. It was totally worth it and a lot of fun but definitely made me realise how out of shape I have become in the past year since going to University. I cant wait to get back into dancing and if all goes well try and create a healthier thinner me.

 

Only two weeks left till those two nutters in the video above leave me and go to dance colleges to study for a career in professional dance and dance teaching. The thought of them and a lot of my other friends from home leaving is never a nice one but these guys are some of the very few I am pretty certain I will be seeing until the next generation takes on the ice bucket challenge. I wonder how technological doing this will become in that amount of time? I will miss them of course but I've already left once before and many times throughout the year so I think I've grown a backbone to leaving now. A little cry every now and again and you are sorted. Plus my brother is stuck with me for the rest of his life, cant pick your family unfortunately.



Hopefully Ill be back here next Monday. Trying to make this a more regular thing, you'll be fed up of me by the end of this. Speak to you soon.

Goodnight.

Poem for Puppy

Hey have you heard about this girl?

Northern Irish at heart

Distance tore us apart

Who now journeys on, make up done hair in curls

 

Fantastically perfect in every way

Without a hair out of place

And smile on her face

With a hop, skip and a jump up the hilltop to play

 

A red sheet between us of secrets and tears

She knows all about me my hopes and  my fears

So similar

So strange

Yet a friendship appears

 

A blue mat at church  inside she will roll

A pidgeon at her side to have and to hold.

She is my saucepan and I am  her bowl

And I’ll never let go through the warm or the cold