Happy New Year

Hello,

Again left my blog too long but I have wanted to spend as much time as possible with those I love whilst I'm back home for the Christmas holidays, as well as doing a lot of assignment work.

So... 2013 is almost over, I do have to say as I'm getting older I have noticed the weeks, months and years seem to fly by a lot quicker than they used to. Christmas used to take forever to come around but it seems to have sped round again.

I knew I would have too much to say on the matter of new year so thought I would write it all down here where I can babble for as long as I like.

This year has been amazing for me, one of the biggest highlights being getting into University and then making the move to Cheltenham. It wasn't what I expected and it still isn't but I'm beginning to make some great friendships and see that there could be some people I see being lifelong friends, which is always a positive (just hope they feel the same). I never even imagined I would get into University, let alone to do something that makes me feel so excited. Moving away was exciting but absolutely blooming terrifying. I needed to do it and I'm glad I did and over time I am sure it will turn me into the person I should and want to be. Here's to university turning me into a teacher!

One major thing for me was FAME! I got to be a principle and play a character very close to my own persona, but seriously I really don't eat as much as Mabel. I delved into a whole new style of singing and loved it. I stepped out of my shell when finally on stage by adding movement rather than just standing and swaying in the back. Don't get me wrong I love swaying on any stage but to be at the front made me proud with excitement. My top moment of those 4 days was the curtain down on the last performance. I was already crying just as the finale began and was battling back tears so I could see during the last moments of choreography. But once the bows were over and we froze, allowing the curtain to come down one last time. I stopped, centered myself, took one breath, and turned straight to one of my best and most loyal friends. There were no words, we fell into the tightest hug and sobbed, it was one of the most special moments in my life and I miss her very much when I am away. Nobody could have changed how I felt. It was like one of those magic moments in a movie when there is pure bliss and everything goes silent but the energy of that moment continues. Silent happiness.

I learnt how to drive and passed both my tests first time. I completed all my college courses even though there were teachers who doubted I could even pass let alone move on to University to do my dream job. They doubted me which is probably one reason why I doubt myself. But my college tutor really pushed me to do my best and I miss her very much. Apart from my parents she has been the one person who strived to make me do my best for me! To make sure I was doing what I wanted and that I was loving it. I was always be in debt to her as the reason I have got where I am today and I wish I had told her more. She is probably one of the people who has seen me cry the most.

I went through some hard times this year. I think I'm ready to talk about. around About the summertime I begun counselling. It didn't last a huge amount of time and at the moment I don't need to see anyone but I needed guidance. Those around me thought there was something wrong with how I learnt which jeopardised my dreams of being a teacher and there were mentions of depression. I do not think I was ever depressed I just have very negative thoughts. When left alone I always seem to imagine the worst. I thought those who were my friends hated me, that they talked about me behind my back. Whilst at Uni these past few months I have begun experiencing panic attacks and the negative thoughts continued which is why I started this blog and it has helped a lot. Some people say I am too personal on here but if you really know me you'll know I could tell you just about everything about me if you let me.

I have nothing to hide plain and simple. I write so much thinking nobody will read this whole thing, and I don't mind. I write it for me, anyone who reads it and gets enjoyment from it is just a bonus in my eyes.

I will leave resolutions for another time as I know I will most certainly break them. Please leave me comments or send me a message I love reading them and hearing what people think of my writing. Id rather that than silent readers.

Thank you for being here, please continue to read on next year.

Goodnight.