Describing anger isn't something I would ever enjoy writing about but you have to be passionate to write the best things.
When I get angry I feel as if I could literally burst. Anyone who really knows me knows I am not confrontational and never have been so when I get close to answering back you know you've hit a nerve. It hits my chest and my breathing becomes erratic and I will only speak few words incase I say something I will later regret. The phrase biting your tounge can become very literal and shaking with anger can often set in.
There are things you can be rightfully angry about that I could understand, like murder or crime acts of injustice that nobody will stand for, but why is it the petit things in life that give the most reaction.
As this blog was intended to be for talking about my experiences at Uni this is what I will continue to write about. Moving in at the beginning of the year is very exciting and you meet lots of people from all over the place. The problem is you have no decision on who you live with most of the time. For most people you find someone who shares interest or who you get on with but who can honestly ever say if they had met these people back home they would be as close friends as they are now? Would you ever consider living with them.
Don't get me wrong living with my housemates now has taught me a lot of new things and if any of them were in trouble I would help them out and be there. But I could tell you face to face one to one that if I had to name them in order of who I would most likely want to never see again for the rest of my life first I'd be able to do it.
Can someone remind me how old I am? Can someone explain to me how if you think I am no better than a child I was able to get into University? I often believe that people rate themselves against others and it has all begun to get a bit competitive, which is very wrong. I got onto this course just as much as you did, I am at this university and I got my place in the same way you did, so what makes you think you are better than me?
I hate writing like this because I feel like I'm being mean and two-faced but often the reasons I don't say these things is because I don't like confrontation or causing arguments. Id love a world where every thought you have must be spoken because the world would be a much nicer place. I'd love to be able to sit in a circle and know I could speak my mind and no harm would come from it then I could carry on with my life as if nothing has happened. There are moments where I wish I could just scream and cry or run home but I want to gain independence. But if that means it takes a little longer for me then so be it.
Everyone started life before they came here at a different stage. I never did much cooking or washing up or clothes washing or general housework, so the transformation for me has been pretty drastic. I have never been away from home for more than a week and whilst I was at home pretty much everything was done for me. I know I still haven't got the hang of it all but I'm learning so give me the chance to make mistakes again and again until I either get into trouble or something happens to make me change. I know my will power is basically non-existent but that is me and that will probably never change, I do things when I want to.
Okay rant over. This is very long and doesn't really show much writing talent but its me expressing myself which is why I created this blog to begin with. I feel a little like I'm writing the Burn Book from mean girls, but hey I am a girl and I have the right to be bitchy when I want to.
Next week, I always say this, next week Ill try again to get my life in an order that it should be. Ill make lists goals and try to stick to them although I know in the end ill be just like I started like 4 or 5 days ago. Oh well it's not like I'm hurting anyone other than myself and I've had enough experience of that to last a lifetime so that isn't going to worry me.
Goodnight.
Saturday, 25 January 2014
Thursday, 23 January 2014
Home is where the heart is
Hello there,
Another week has been passing and I'm properly settled into Uni again.
Coming back after Christmas has made me realise who I really love spending time with but has also helped me to see I am looking forward to being back in halls again next year. I've been getting on with my work for once which can be rare for me and in general I'm not missing home as much.
When you take a moment to think, I realise I know hardly anything about the people I live with and go to class with but I feel more at ease with them every time we meet up. The more lessons I go to the more work I do to becoming a teacher the more I realise I'm going to love my job once I'm qualified and that what I do both at home and at Uni is beginning to feel like me.
There are few people I used to be able to name that I thought cared about me and would be there if I needed them, but over Christmas and beyond talking to those around me I have seen that maybe there are more people out there for me than I realise. And that makes me feel pretty blessed to know the people I love care about me too. Id like to say the people I thought just knew me as a part of a larger whole now see me as a friend because there are many back home who I consider my friends although I may never be the one to tell them.
Growing up has always been something I never intended to do in a hurry but I enjoy my own company and that of other people. I may not be a big drinker or clubber, but I do enjoy a party a dance and a social gathering. I love being the one holding you back as you throw up or giving you a hug when you feel down and I get much more satisfaction from that than partying till god knows what time in the morning.
This term introduces me to History, R.E, Geography, Languages, D.T whilst continuing with all my core subjects as well as Placement, 4 assignment hand ins and an E-safety lecture. Scary to think I have finished PSHE, music and art for this year and only have one session left of P.E.
I love writing on my blog and never really know exactly what to talk about, I guess I'll just let you know if anything interesting happens. Please keep in contact back home. I will always reply to your messages as Im never far from my phone or laptop these days. Lots of love.
Goodnight.
Another week has been passing and I'm properly settled into Uni again.
Coming back after Christmas has made me realise who I really love spending time with but has also helped me to see I am looking forward to being back in halls again next year. I've been getting on with my work for once which can be rare for me and in general I'm not missing home as much.
When you take a moment to think, I realise I know hardly anything about the people I live with and go to class with but I feel more at ease with them every time we meet up. The more lessons I go to the more work I do to becoming a teacher the more I realise I'm going to love my job once I'm qualified and that what I do both at home and at Uni is beginning to feel like me.
There are few people I used to be able to name that I thought cared about me and would be there if I needed them, but over Christmas and beyond talking to those around me I have seen that maybe there are more people out there for me than I realise. And that makes me feel pretty blessed to know the people I love care about me too. Id like to say the people I thought just knew me as a part of a larger whole now see me as a friend because there are many back home who I consider my friends although I may never be the one to tell them.
Growing up has always been something I never intended to do in a hurry but I enjoy my own company and that of other people. I may not be a big drinker or clubber, but I do enjoy a party a dance and a social gathering. I love being the one holding you back as you throw up or giving you a hug when you feel down and I get much more satisfaction from that than partying till god knows what time in the morning.
This term introduces me to History, R.E, Geography, Languages, D.T whilst continuing with all my core subjects as well as Placement, 4 assignment hand ins and an E-safety lecture. Scary to think I have finished PSHE, music and art for this year and only have one session left of P.E.
I love writing on my blog and never really know exactly what to talk about, I guess I'll just let you know if anything interesting happens. Please keep in contact back home. I will always reply to your messages as Im never far from my phone or laptop these days. Lots of love.
Goodnight.
Friday, 17 January 2014
Hanging on the Telephone
Hello,
I don't really know how to start this week. I'm at one of those points everyone gets. Im sad, but for no incredible reason. Nothing big is wrong, nothing has happened and Im perfectly happy with how my day and week has been going yet it doesn't stop the tears.
You know those times when all you want is a conversation with someone who fully understands you. There are few people in ones life who you can feel comfortable calling just to chat without it being awkward or without them truly understanding and comforting you.
The moment comes when you pass through the contacts on your phone, selecting your victims whom you search to gain happiness from. You dial the number and let the phone ring, and ring and ring...
Nobody picks up.
I'm not going to pretend that annoys me because people are busy, I get busy, I don't always answer calls but at that specific moment its like that was the most important phone call in the world.
Let me give an example. 2 years ago I was at college, I was in my second year and had started a new course in science and everything was going okay I would have been 17 years old. I had finished my lesson and walked away from class to go home. I approached the stairs just round the corner from my classroom and was on my phone. I fell down the stairs hurting my ankle. I couldn't stand very well or continue walking down the stairs. I called everyone in my phone book from college and nobody answered. I felt alone. A couple of minutes later my teacher a shortish man came out of his room to go downstairs. He asked if I was okay, I gave a quick explanation then burst into tears. I was humiliated.
He walked me to reception and called my dad to drive and get me. Nobody had answered my calls or responded. It may not always seem important to answer a call but at that moment it was.
Which got me thinking, who knows why someone may be calling. There could be a time when Ive been kidnapped or stabbed or raped and I only have time to make one call. I may choose you, and if you don't pick up something awful could happen.
Morbid I know. Just wanted to say that sometimes a phone call may be someone reaching out for help and it may not be important to you but to your caller it could be the most important second in their lives at that very moment.
On a happier ending this week I've really got the chance to speak to more people for longer at uni and have begun seeing a future with friends that I make here which at first I didn't imagine was going to happen. Life is looking up, even amongst down days like today.
Goodnight.
I don't really know how to start this week. I'm at one of those points everyone gets. Im sad, but for no incredible reason. Nothing big is wrong, nothing has happened and Im perfectly happy with how my day and week has been going yet it doesn't stop the tears.
You know those times when all you want is a conversation with someone who fully understands you. There are few people in ones life who you can feel comfortable calling just to chat without it being awkward or without them truly understanding and comforting you.
The moment comes when you pass through the contacts on your phone, selecting your victims whom you search to gain happiness from. You dial the number and let the phone ring, and ring and ring...
Nobody picks up.
I'm not going to pretend that annoys me because people are busy, I get busy, I don't always answer calls but at that specific moment its like that was the most important phone call in the world.
Let me give an example. 2 years ago I was at college, I was in my second year and had started a new course in science and everything was going okay I would have been 17 years old. I had finished my lesson and walked away from class to go home. I approached the stairs just round the corner from my classroom and was on my phone. I fell down the stairs hurting my ankle. I couldn't stand very well or continue walking down the stairs. I called everyone in my phone book from college and nobody answered. I felt alone. A couple of minutes later my teacher a shortish man came out of his room to go downstairs. He asked if I was okay, I gave a quick explanation then burst into tears. I was humiliated.
He walked me to reception and called my dad to drive and get me. Nobody had answered my calls or responded. It may not always seem important to answer a call but at that moment it was.
Which got me thinking, who knows why someone may be calling. There could be a time when Ive been kidnapped or stabbed or raped and I only have time to make one call. I may choose you, and if you don't pick up something awful could happen.
Morbid I know. Just wanted to say that sometimes a phone call may be someone reaching out for help and it may not be important to you but to your caller it could be the most important second in their lives at that very moment.
On a happier ending this week I've really got the chance to speak to more people for longer at uni and have begun seeing a future with friends that I make here which at first I didn't imagine was going to happen. Life is looking up, even amongst down days like today.
Goodnight.
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