Rant of Anger

Describing anger isn't something I would ever enjoy writing about but you have to be passionate to write the best things.

When I get angry I feel as if I could literally burst. Anyone who really knows me knows I am not confrontational and never have been so when I get close to answering back you know you've hit a nerve. It hits my chest and my breathing becomes erratic and I will only speak few words incase I say something I will later regret. The phrase biting your tounge can become very literal and shaking with anger can often set in.

There are things you can be rightfully angry about that I could understand, like murder or crime acts of injustice that nobody will stand for, but why is it the petit things in life that give the most reaction.

As this blog was intended to be for talking about my experiences at Uni this is what I will continue to write about. Moving in at the beginning of the year is very exciting and you meet lots of people from all over the place. The problem is you have no decision on who you live with most of the time. For most people you find someone who shares interest or who you get on with but who can honestly ever say if they had met these people back home they would be as close friends as they are now? Would you ever consider living with them.

Don't get me wrong living with my housemates now has taught me a lot of new things and if any of them were in trouble I would help them out and be there. But I could tell you face to face one to one that if I had to name them in order of who I would most likely want to never see again for the rest of my life first I'd be able to do it.

Can someone remind me how old I am? Can someone explain to me how if you think I am no better than a child I was able to get into University? I often believe that people rate themselves against others and it has all begun to get a bit competitive, which is very wrong. I got onto this course just as much as you did, I am at this university and I got my place in the same way you did, so what makes you think you are better than me?

I hate writing like this because I feel like I'm being mean and two-faced but often the reasons I don't say these things is because I don't like confrontation or causing arguments. Id love a world where every thought you have must be spoken because the world would be a much nicer place. I'd love to be able to sit in a circle and know I could speak my mind and no harm would come from it then I could carry on with my life as if nothing has happened. There are moments where I wish I could just scream and cry or run home but I want to gain independence. But if that means it takes a little longer for me then so be it.

Everyone started life before they came here at a different stage. I never did much cooking or washing up or clothes washing or general housework, so the transformation for me has been pretty drastic. I have never been away from home for more than a week and whilst I was at home pretty much everything was done for me. I know I still haven't got the hang of it all but I'm learning so give me the chance to make mistakes again and again until I either get into trouble or something happens to make me change. I know my will power is basically non-existent but that is me and that will probably never change, I do things when I want to.

Okay rant over. This is very long and doesn't really show much writing talent but its me expressing myself which is why I created this blog to begin with. I feel a little like I'm writing the Burn Book from mean girls, but hey I am a girl and I have the right to be bitchy when I want to.

Next week, I always say this, next week Ill try again to get my life in an order that it should be. Ill make lists goals and try to stick to them although I know in the end ill be just like I started like 4 or 5 days ago. Oh well it's not like I'm hurting anyone other than myself and I've had enough experience of that to last a lifetime so that isn't going to worry me.

Goodnight.