Be the Cure

Back again. So over the past year I haven’t exactly been the most healthy of human beings. Yes University is a take away menace but it can be tamed. This is going to be about my recent health problems and is just a way for me to vent. Feel free not to read if its too personal.

Back in September when I first arrived at University within the first month or two I started experiencing panic attacks brought on by the thought of being so far away from home. I found it very difficult to make friends and as made evident by my blog by no means did I dislike my flat mates but if I had met them back home we never would have been close enough to be so intimate to live with them. It takes a lot to feel so comfortable with someone you could imagine living t=with them and being thrown into that situation doesn't help.

I had one very bad panic attack where I began finding it hard to breath and felt physically sick after having an argument with my flatmates. Thankfully one of my other flatmates came to help and managed to calm me down. I rang my parents and spoke to them to calm me down. I have lost count the amount of times I cried alone in my room this past year and wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.

I missed the odd lecture due to illness but this is pretty normal. Everyone gets ill now and again that's just normal. When I returned for the Easter holidays I was very ill the day before I travelled back to university. Upon my return the same symptoms returned again and again every week sometimes within the space of 4 days. Nothing seemed to trigger it and I stopped eating fatty foods, chocolate and drinking fizzy drinks yet it still persisted. I visited the doctors after a particularly bad night as I had begun to miss important lectures. I was placed on beta blockers to combat anxiety as it was thought the anxiety was triggering illness. There was no change.

I revisited the doctor who then placed me on tablets with the thought it could be acid reflux but needed more exploration once I returned home. Everything stopped I wasn't ill any more and felt a lot more happy and calm. Until recently it returned one weekend once home.

I visited the doctors back home where I was told to come off all my meds as they were wrong. It wasn’t anything the previous doctor had predicted and the medication for anxiety shouldn’t have been prescribed. She suggested antidepressants or meeting with a mental health nurse which I was unsure about as I don’t believe it is quite that bad. Since then I haven’t been ill again but have been experiencing new symptoms and felt a lot more agitated and negative.

I have had blood tests and will be having a full medical later this week to re-register at my medical practise back home. Now I have to wait and see what comes back. My worry is if nothing comes back as wrong and I only have the symptoms intermittently how can I prove there is anything wrong? How can they discover what is wrong? Will it come back or was it a weird fluke? Will it return in 10-20 years time for no reason? I don't know but I’m sure someone will figure it out eventually even if I cant.

So if I haven’t been around much or haven’t been myself, this is probably why. I’m not ignoring you I'm just not feeling quite myself at the moment.

Goodnight.